Living With Her

by Paul

After reading the stories and the personal experiences each of you had with grandma, it has further enlightened my thoughts and strengthens my already strong love for our amazing grandma.

I can clearly remember living with her as she raised Peter and I, while my dad had to work two jobs to make ends meet being a single father raising two boys. Like Elizabeth and Diana mentioned in their testimonial, she loved to cook and made sure we had plenty of food to eat and enjoyed nurturing her garden as we played in the backyard eating those juicy dark purple plums when it was the perfect time of the year! I know this sounds cliché, but as I am typing this, it feels like it was only yesterday as we were with her in her garden.

On a deeper and personal level, I can honestly say that she unconditionally loved me despite of my circumstance. With both arms wide opened, as her grandson runs to hug his loving grandma!

Our grandma is truly the pinnacle of all mothers and she will be greatly missed, but knowing that she is finally with grandpa in heaven, both watching over their love ones, is a comfortable feeling knowing that she is still with us.

I love you grandma!

Tưởng Nhớ Mẹ

by Ton Nu Thu Nga

Một vì sao đã lặn trên bầu trời riêng biệt của chúng ta. Ngôi sao này là một cô gái Huế, một hiền mẫu Việt Nam xinh đẹp, lớn lên trong chiến tranh và nhiều năm cuối đời đã an bình bên con cháu thân yêu tại San Dimas, California. Người ấy là mẹ, bà nội và Cố của đại gia đình Trần Khánh. Mẹ là một đề tài được bàn cải hàng ngày trên diễn đàn gia đình qua OtuSanDimas @yahoogroups.com

Ðây là hình ảnh mẹ: Sinh ngày 4, tháng Giêng, năm 1924 tại Huế. Học trường Jean D’Arc. Kết hôn ông Trần Khánh năm 1943. Sinh hạ được 4 con trai và 6 con gái. Ba và Mẹ nuôi dưỡng bầy con bằng mồ hôi nước mắt trong suốt cuộc chiến tranh Việt Nam. Năm 1975 đại gia đình tái định cư tại San Dimas, California. Cho đến ngày mẹ mất, 15 tháng 3, năm 2008. mẹ có tất cả là 10 đứa con, mười dâu rể, 9 cháu nội, 17 cháu ngoại và 8 chắt.

Từ ngày sang Mỹ, từ một người nội trợ, mẹ trở thành một người dấn thân ra ngoài xã hội. Mẹ trở thành một phụ nữ Mỹ, gốc Việt. Mẹ lái xe đi làm mổi ngày 8 tiếng, phụ với ba để nuôi những đứa con nhỏ.

Ba mất sớm vào ngày 1, tháng 3 năm 1983. Trong 9 tháng bạo bịnh, mẹ thường xuyên lái xe chở ba đi bác sĩ. Sau đó, mẹ cất dấu nổi buồn riêng của mình để vui sống với con cháu. Mẹ tiếp tục săn sóc các cháu nội ngoại thật chu toàn, giúp cho các con mình rảnh tay xây dựng tương lai. Nhờ tài lái xe và nói được tiếng Anh, mẹ dẫn cháu đi bác sĩ, học đàn, học giáo lý, đá banh, trình diễn ca nhạc. Mẹ sung sướng tham dự ngày sinh nhật, ngày rửa tội, thêm sức, các trận đấu vỏ, thể thao, ra trường của các cháu nội ngoại. Mẹ đón cháu về nhà khi chúng bệnh, mẹ chăm sóc nâng niu cháu khi trái gió, trở trời, mẹ cho chúng ăn những món Huế đặc biệt của mẹ làm và mẹ khóc khi các cháu bị cha mẹ rầy la, trừng phạt. Mẹ thường trách các con của mẹ rằng quá nghiêm khắc với lũ cháu, mẹ cũng âu lo khi con mẹ có vẻ không chú ý nhiều đến lũ cháu của mẹ. Mẹ nguýt, mẹ háy lũ con bằng đôi mắt đẹp tuyệt vời và đầy tình cảm của mẹ khi con của mẹ cười vang và chọc ghẹo mẹ. Mẹ cứ lo hết việc này đến việc kia.

Ngoài công việc trong gia đình, mẹ tham dự các hoạt động tôn giáo thường xuyên. Mẹ là một trong những bà mẹ Công Giáo của Cộng Ðoàn Mân Côi. Hội viên của hội Bảo Trợ Tu sĩ Việt Nam và thành viên của Phong trào Cursillo. Mẹ mong cho gia đình được ơn kêu gọi và mẹ đã được toại nguyện với Sister Uyên Nhi.

Ði hành hương và tỉnh tâm là các hoạt động mẹ vui thích nhất. Các con của mẹ dẫn mẹ đi Âu Châu, viếng Ðức Mẹ Lộ Ðức và Ðức Mẹ Fatima. Ði Việt Nam thăm Ðức Mẹ La Vang, vì mẹ rất sùng bái Ðức Mẹ. Mẹ được thăm nhiều thắng cảnh Âu Châu và Á Châu. Mẹ thích viếng các thánh đường để đọc kinh trên con đường du hành của mẹ.

Trong năm 2007, vì tuổi già sức yếu, các anh lớn quyết định không cho mẹ lái xe nữa, mẹ rất bực mình vì không được tự mình lái xe đi lể mổi buổi sáng. Tháng 9 năm 2007, mẹ bị tai biến mạch máu nảo, trở thành bán thân bất toại. Các con cháu túc trực bên mẹ mổi ngày săn sóc, thoa bóp, chuyện trò và chọc ghẹo cho mẹ vui. Mẹ hưởng thêm một mùa Giáng Sinh và tết Âm lịch. Ðược biết rắng mẹ có thêm một đứa chắt mới sinh tận bên Newyork, mẹ biết nhìn hình nó và mỉm cười . Ngày 15 tháng 3 năm 2008, mẹ từ giả con cháu sau cơn bệnh sưng phổi tại Pomona Valley Hospital. Mẹ an bình về nhà Chúa trong sự hiện diện của con cháu thân yêu.

Ngôi sao của chúng con không còn lấp lành nữa, tuy nhiên, hằng đêm, nhìn lên bầu trời, thấy ngàn sao lung linh như nhắc nhở cho chúng con rằng: mẹ vẫn còn hiện diện trong tim chúng con cho tới ngày chúng con được sum họp với mẹ trên thiên đàng.

Grandma’s Remembrance

by Ton Nu Thu Nga and Mai Anh

A star has stopped shining in our sky. This star is a beautiful Hue girl, a sweet mother who grew up during the Viet Nam war, but later on, lived peacefully with her loving family in San Dimas, California. She is the mother, grandmother, and great- grandmother of Khanh Tran’s big and abundant family. She has become the reason of our daily discussions in our group email at OtuSanDimas@yahoogroups.com.

This the lasting image of our mother, grandmother, and great grandmother: She was born on January 4, 1924 in the city of Hue. She attended Jean D’Arc School. She married Khanh Tran in 1943 and gave birth to four sons and six daughters. Grandpa and Grandma raised and nurtured their flock by their own sweat and tears during the Viet Nam War. In 1975, the family relocated to San Dimas, California until the day she died on March 15, 2008. In total, she had 10 children, 10 sons and daughters-in-law, 26 grandchildren, and 8 great-grandchildren.

From the day she arrived in America, she transformed from a housewife to a hard worker. With a true sense of liberation, she became a strong Vietnamese-American woman. Everyday, she would work 8 hours a day to help grandpa support the younger children.

Grandpa passed away too soon on March 1, 1983. In his nine months of illness, grandma often drove him to all of his doctor’s visits. After her husband passed away, she would conceal her pain inside of her heart so she could carry on being happy with her many grandchildren. She continued taking care of her grandchildren so that her children could be free to build up their future. Because she knew how to drive and speak English, she drove the grandchildren to the doctor’s, to bible studies, to music lessons, sports events, and performances. She happily participated in all of her grandchildren’s birthdays, baptisms, confirmations, graduations, and all other celebrations. She would pick up the grandkids from school if they were sick and cooked for them her special delicious Hue dishes. She would cry when her grandchildren would get punishments from their parents and would often defend that they were too harsh on her grandkids. Other times, she would protest that her grandchildren were not receiving enough attention from their parents. Sometimes, grandma would give attitude through her beautiful and expressive eyes to her children wondering why they would laugh and tease her all the time. We think she was just a worry ward. Outside of family gatherings, she was extremely devoted to her religious activities. She was part of the religious group of Catholic Mothers devoted to Our Lady of the Rosary. Her favorite activities were religious pilgrimages and retreats. She sponsored many Vietnamese seminarians and was a member of the Cursillo movement. She would often encourage her own grandchildren to become priests and nuns and was finally successful with one.

Because she was deeply devoted to Our Lady, her children took her to Europe to visit Our Lady of Lourdes and Lady of Fatima and then to Viet Nam to visit Our Lady of La Vang. She loved visiting all the Catholic cathedrals throughout Europe and Asia so that she could pray. In 2007, because of her old age, the older sons all agreed that she should stop driving. She became very upset at this because she knew that she would not be able to drive herself to church every morning anymore. In September of 2007, grandma had a stroke and was no longer able to use the right side of her body. All of her children and grandchildren were with her everyday to keep her company, massage her, talk to her, and of course, to tease her to make her laugh. She was able to enjoy and participate in one more Christmas and Vietnamese New Years and knew that she had received another great grandchild born in New York. We showed her his picture and she showed acknowledgement with a beautiful smile. After having pneumonia for one week, grandma decided to say goodbye to us, her family, and say hello and take God’s merciful hand. She passed away at Pomona Valley Hospital on March 15, 2008 at 7:25pm in the presence of her loved ones.

Our star may have stopped twinkling in our sky, but every night, when we look up at the night sky and see millions of shining stars, it will remind us that grandma will always be shining in our hearts until we meet her again in heaven.

Brave Mother

by Co Vi

In 1963, I was in sixth grade, when the Vietnamese president was assassinated.  The current administration was taken over.  This resulted in many people who worked under the administration to be detained and imprisoned.  Grandpa had to go because of this situation, leaving his wife and ten children behind.  Grandma was just a housewife then, and now had to step up to take on the role as a father.  She became a business woman, similar to the Avon lady, buying and selling imported goods, like jaded necklaces.  She worked very hard to bring food to the table, going from vendor to vendor to buy rice and nuoc mam (fish sauce) to stock up for the children.  She also worked very hard to pay for the children’s education, allowing for them to go to Catholic schools.  And on the top of this, she would go to the Vietnamese government building, similar to the United States’ version of the White House, to negotiate Grandpa’s sentencing to allow for him to be released sooner.  During this time, our family moved many times.  First, we moved from Quang Ngai to Hue, where Grandma was born and had relatives that lived there.  Then we had to move to Nha Trang, where we and Grandma had better opportunities.

About a year later, in Saigon, Grandpa was released.

Deep in her heart, no matter how difficult the task, she was able to accomplish her goals.  She was able to overcome everything.  So throughout my life, when I struggled with taking care of my family, I look back and remember the times that Grandma went through to raise our family.  She truly motivates me through my struggles, as a true role model.

Plenty of Food

by Elizabeth

Whenever we visited Grandma at her home, she ALWAYS had plenty of food … everywhere. Not only did she store food in her kitchen but also in her bedroom drawers. She would pull out cookies, fruit, candy and other goodies from her dresser, nightstand and closet. Grandma always made sure we had plenty to eat!

Ghostly Visits

by Elizabeth

My mom had told me about ghostly visits from Grandpa. Being terribly afraid of ghosts, I asked Grandma (before her stroke) to promise me that when she died, she would not come back to visit me. She smiled and said:”Dung noi tam bay!” (“Don’t say such inappropriate things!”). I’m happy to report that she has kept her promise, though I truly miss her so much!

Bets on Grandma

by Vivan

Every year during Tet (Vietnamese New Year), right before the money would be handed out. Grandma would always say a speech to the family and every year some of us cousins would bet that she was going to cry…and she always did. That’s how much love she had for her family. She was always so proud and always worried about everyone’s well being.

Even Animals Care

The first night that grandma stayed at home, from the nursing home, she slept very well like a baby.  Though a couple of times, she would cough.  Immediately, Benji, our oldest dog, would come running into grandma’s room and climb on the side of her bed to check up on her. Then he would go back to the other room.  Later, grandma would cough again.  Then Benji came running in to check up on her again, and then would leave.  Time went by, then grandma coughed again.  As predicted, Benji came running in to see how she was doing.  However, this time, he decided to stay there and sleep next to her bed.

Me Chong (Mother-in-Law)

by Co Tram

From the youngest son’s wife point of view…

Like Khac-Anh I did have some problems understanding my mother in-law heavy Hue accent at first but as time goes by I got more familiar with it and understand her much better.  I remembered one time when I was talking with her, she said something with the Vietnamese word “khu”,  in Vietnamese language generally “khu” means an area but I couldn’t figure out what she meant so I asked her again then she explained “khu” means your bottom!   Now it makes more sense of what we were talking about!

I remembered the first time I met her at her home,  she seems nice and somewhat shy with a warm smile.   Though I did not married Toan until 9 years  later, she has always been like a mother to me.  People said when you’re married you’re also married into the (in-law) family and I think it’s absolutely true.   I also believe that family is the foundation of everything else in life and parents are the ones who responsible to make it happened for the children.  

I married my husband, her son, not just because I love him but also because he’s a good man.   His parents, the mother in particular, raised him well.

Like my mother, my mother in-law had gone to a better place to be with God.  She will be missed!

My Mother-in-Law

by Chu Khac-Anh

I remember the first time I came to ‘visit’ Grandma at her house in 1980. I could barely understand what she was saying because of her heavy Hue accent. She would ask me one thing and I would answer to her about something else. Our conversations were very confusing. Nonetheless, she treated me kindly and lovingly.

After that day, I was hoping that my relationship with Suong would blossom and that one day I would be a part of her family.

Through out all the years and the ups and downs of our marriage, never once did she raise her voice to me even though at times I knew I was way out of line for arguing with Suong in front of her when we were living in her house. I apologized to her later but she just simply said she understood…

She was very happy when I converted to Catholic, for years she always called and reminded me about all the important religious dates. But she has given up on me lately. Maybe because she knew I had no chance or Suong told her to forget about me.

I always remember my mother in law and my mom came to our apartment in Hollywood to take care of Brian for several weeks because Suong was sick a few days after giving birth to him. Brian was very difficult, he would not sleep unless he was lying on someone’s tummy. Both grandmas took turns to help him sleep thru the night but I knew my mother in law was doing most of the ‘turns’. I could tell thru her eyes how exhausted she was.

I think this is how she lived her life: loving, giving, caring with a strong conviction for her religion.

I love her as much as I love my mom.

I will miss her.